Last entry
Well! today i accidently placed my hands on something which i wish i could never see that in my whole life....
It was going a little rough but atleast everything was in my hands, man i was living in a world......i was thinking, that she was.....how could i explain it....cant find words.....cant find emotions...
Its like...you come home and find your wife on bed with someone.....:'(
I have taken a copy of that....to keep it for the right time.....to satisfy myself that GOD! thankyou, you saved me....or GOD! why me???? :'(
I was thinking that its something else bugging....caring, doing, and all stuff.....just for the one.....
I'm dead, i dnt want to hear....dont want to hear her voice.....please leave! :'(
And i was right! Whatever i was thinking i was right....I knew its coming from Pakistan....i knew it.....but could i be so numb.....nerd....bastard....ass hole....pig....everything, that i didnt remember.....
I knew whats my close people were doing....and i knew what they were planning....just to test her....and to show me....this was your close one, to whom you can do anything.....but how this could be possible?
But how could i be betrayed by my personal thing.....my! I trusted her....i gave her everything.....she knew that i could sell myself for her......i gave up all the things....but how?
I lost my cell phone today.....just because i was thinking.....and thinking of the one.....i cared the most.....but how?
I was depressed and didnt had my meal, and were not picking the important calls, because i lost something precious with my mobile.....messages made to me, since 2006....and i was......i did for whom????I'm hurting myself.
Cant find words to abuse myself....
Whenever i used to talk to baji! She used to tease me, forget her, i'll get you the most beautiful girl you ever imagined.....and i used to get angey and just go away! Dont used to talk to her for days....and then she used to come and say....acha! sorry meri jan! i was joking!
But was she trying to tell me, i was wrong....i got that much dumb, that i didnt heard her feelings. She was right only your parents comes to protect you, and to care for you.....others just come to play with your life.
I know it would take days, months to forget this.....but i hope it ends well! I wish, i beg ALLAH! please! read my heart, come to me, and make it happen.....I beg you, i even sometimes asked YOU to get lost, you cant even give a single thing to me.....just i wanted her badly....
And today HE showed me, for her you were fighting with me.....for her you were doing this all!
Just go away....:'(
This diary is closed!
I cant remember anything!
Lost!
:'(
Posted by Bilal Bhatti